Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Someone told me I am too quiet and shy today, and that is why I don't get invited to things. Well the truth is I am painfully shy, I have been through a lot in my 34 years of life that have caused me to be this way.  I was teased as a child, was excluded from things as a child.  I built walls around my heart and my soul so that noone could ever hurt me.  I believe today I have not changed much, I am still very shy and often times people are unable to look past that, they see me as snobby.  Let's face it I am not Miss Popularity, I am not a Party Animal, I am not outgoing, but I do like to have fun.  I try believe me I do. It often takes a while for me to build trust for someone and to open up to them, because I have been hurt so many times or taken advantage of by people.
I often feel that due to my shy and kind nature I am often excluded from things. I realize I am a grown up and have to put myself out there but it is still a little daunting.  I have made attempts to improve my shyness, I have began taking exercise classes again, which took a whole lot for me to even get to the front door. I have made friends with someone who is my complete opposite.  I guess because she is my opposite that is a good thing, we balance each other out. I guess I feel uneasy when I am not included in events, parties are thrown and I am not invited. I often get invited to things after the fact because the person feels bad.People are constantly canceling plans they make with me or don't even show up when they are supposed to.  It makes me sad but it also makes me take a step back, distance myself, build up the walls again, it's a vicious cycle.  So is this shyness going to be a part of me forever?? I sure hope not, I think I have gotten a lot better, 5 years ago I would have never made friends with anyone because I would have been way too shy but now I have made a great friend who has also introduced me to some other great ladies.  I fear that it takes me a really long time to trust people and open up to people in general and I fear that most people don't have time for that or think that it is pretty strange.  Just trying pretty hard to change my ways and not be so shy.