Learning to take time for myself is not easy at all. I become paralyzed with the idea of "Me Time." I don't know what to do with myself, I feel like I am being frivelous. I feel like I do not deserve it, I feel like I should be doing something for my kids or with my kids. Our master bath has a huge tub and my hubby bought me some bath bombs for Mother's Day in hopes that I would take a bath and learn to relax. NOPE! Trust me I tried, I filled the tub put the flowery scented bath bomb in and sat in the tub. I tried to relax really I did, it lasted for about 5 minutes, and I hopped right out. It's official I do not know how to relax, I can't turn my brain off and do nothing, I just cannot do it. I start running things in my head of all the things that I have to do, and say what the hell am I doing in this tub when I have all that stuff to do.
So hubby has told me that I need to take a few hours for myself tomorrow, because I have been stressing out a lot lately. I have had a few episodes of hives which are always a fun time and I have been getting headaches. These are usually signs that I need a break. Having a special needs child can be very stressful, I just start thinking and the list plays in my head.
-Am I doing what I need to do for her?
-Am I doing enough for her?
-What else can I be doing for her?
-Am I pushing her too hard?
-Why isn't she walking?
-Why isn't she talking?
-When will she walk?
-When will she talk?
-Why does she have to start school at 3?
-Will I enroll her in school?
-Will I homeschool her?
-What if she can't go to her neighborhood school?
-Will she have friends?
-I don' t take her out enough
-I should get her into a class
-Am I not doing enough for my son?
The list just goes on and on and on over and over and over again in my head and I can't just sit and be quiet and let it settle in my brain and be at peace with the fact that I have done enough today. I always feel like there is more, there is always more that I could be doing for my kids. I can't keep doing this to myself though because the stress is not good. Why is it that anything I do is never good enough for me? I am always so hard on myself, I am in most cases my worst critic, my worst enemy. I am trying to fix this about me, I am trying but I am having a really hard time changing.
If you have a solution or advice I would love to hear it, let me know in the comments.
Beth, you need to take care of yourself FOR your kids!! I know it's easy for ME to say stop stressing because I am NOT in our shoes. But I CAN tell you that the stress is taking you over and taking you away from your kids. It's not selfish, it's healthy to have time to yourself and FOR yourself. You can't force things to progress with Leah. You keep giving her plenty of opportunities and she will do everything in HER time. You're a super Mommy...just realize that, and take time for BETH!!!
ReplyDeleteI understand. I don't have a special needs child but I do understand never feeling like I can turn my brain off enough to relax. I struggled a lot this year with the career and family balance so would feel incredibly guilty for taking a second for me because I never felt there was enough of me to go around to everyone else I shouldn't waste time taking time for me. But we mothers desperately need it. It really does benefit everyone not just ourselves when we re not so stressed out. I always wish my brain had a power off button. Take a few for yourself. You deserve it. Reading is the best way I ve found to truly relax.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteRelax by taking a deep breath first off. You are a great mother and doing everything you can for both of your children. The important thing to remember is that they know you love them unconditionally!. Leah has made great strides already( I have a friend with a 16 monthh old(born about 7 weeks early) who is just now starting to walk on his own and only says a few words. My cousin's son didn't start waling until he was 18 months old(and he was full term). I think it can only be beneficial for Leah to start school at 3- and who know what changes will occur in the educational system by the time she is ready for kindergarten.
As for you- try a soak in the tub late at night, with a good boo, a glass some scented candles, and some Josh Groban playing.
that should read "a glass of wine"
ReplyDeleteBoy, does this sound familiar! I struggled with the same questions as to whether I was doing enough for my kids, analyzing and worrying over every little decision, etc. One of the best pieces of advice I learned was on an airplane - when they give preflight instructions and tell you to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first, then assist children and others. First time I heard it I thought, "No, no. I have to help my kids first." But they have it right - if I don't take of me, I can't take care of them. I learned that included eating right, wearing my seatbelt in the car, getting enough sleep, and having some quiet time all to myself.
ReplyDeleteAfter years of mothering, teaching, babysitting and working as a camp counselor, I've learned that the most important thing is for a child to feel loved. The rest is just "stuff" As long as there is a foundation of love and security, kids will thrive. It is quite obvious from the photos of your two darlings that they feel absolutely loved and cared for!! So take the advice of your wise and loving husband - take time for you!! By taking good care of yourself, you are taking good care of your wonderful family too!