Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Ride Of Life

Life is a rollercoaster ride or so we are told.  Sometimes you want to ride the dips and hills with your hands in the air, other times you've got a white knuckled grip on the bar and you are holding on for dear life, and then there are those times when you just want to get off the ride, not wanting to endure the highs or lows that come with riding.
Life is a lot like this, especially when there are things getting thrown at you left and right.  Sometimes I feel like I can accomplish anything, conquer the world, I am super mom.  Other times I feel like I just want to curl into a ball and let it all just pass me by, like I cannot handle what the ride of life has to throw at me.
I feel like I have been having a few of those get off the ride days, surgeons, cardiologists, pediatricians, when will it ever end?  I know I should be thankful, I know I should be saying, "Thank God -her heart can be fixed."  But inside I want to scream,  "She is just a baby, damn it, why is she having to go through all of this crap?"  I feel heartbroken, I feel like I want to do all the things that new moms want to do, show off my baby, have a christening, go to mommy and me classes, take her out but I cannot do any of these things for fear of her getting sick.   I so yearn for a sense of normalcy, a sense that we are just like any other mother and daughter, but we are not and I am reminded of that by the doctors. 
Sometimes we all have those days where we feel sorry for ourselves and our circumstances, we just want to be average, normal.  But what is that really?  Normal?  Is it something to be happy about?  Maybe we can but I guess it's the excitement of the dips and hills in the ride of our life that keeps us coming back for more.