Friday, October 14, 2011

A Hospital Test Run

So onWednesday we were rushed down to the hospital by the baby's cardiologist.  "I don't like how she is breathing and she has lost weight." he said as he picked up the phone to call the hospital and tell them we were on our way.  Oh God it is starting,  my mind was racing as the tears flowed from my eyes like fountains, she is starting to fail.  All I could think was I was not ready for this, not at all.  I can't do this, I cannot watch my baby suffer like this.
So I get her down to the hospital, they put her in the ER because there are no rooms available.  The agonizing 6 hours began, having to watch the nurses hold my baby down and put needles into her tiny little perfect veins, in her tiny helpless little hands.  I couldn't bear to look or to hear her cry,  I think I may have cried more than she did. Now I am reminded of the pain she endured by the tiny little bruises on her tiny little hands.

By 10 pm we were given a room and miraculously by the power of the formula gods or i'm not sure who, baby girl started eating like nobody's business.  She decided, "oh mom what were you all so worried about I'm hungry now", so after a day of several 2oz bottles they decided that she was eating well enough to go home, and that she would have the surgery in the next few weeks.
So I guess this little hospital visit was a preview, a test run of what is yet to come.  I just hope and pray to anyone who is listening.  Please, please, please let my baby girl get through all of this, because I cannot imagine a life without her in it.  She is my joy, my love, my laughter, my reason for breathing. please keep her safe and let her get through this and recover with ease.