Thursday, October 20, 2011

Facing Reality



I am a realistic poster child, I can face reality with the best of them,  I am practical, I am firm, I am certainly not a dreamer. Although while pregnant I did dream of what it would be like to have this perfect little baby girl, but would quickly snap myself out of the dream to face the reality of the possible truth.  My mother says I have a form of ESP, I always get this nagging feeling when something out of the ordinary is going to happen.   I get a "bad feeling," so to speak.  So I knew the moment I went into labor that this was not going to be what I expected, and it wasn't.  Always go with your gut feeling is what I always say.
Reality is rearing its ugly head again, pushing it's way into my happy place, the place I have tried to create when my little girl arrived home.  The reality is setting in because she will be having her surgery in just a few short days.  It is all too real.
Days, hours, minutes, seconds, it's all just time but it is all we really have, all this world really gives us without expecting anything in return.  It is our choice as beings to decide what to do with that time, whether to be happy and to have fun or to be miserable and stay motionless.  I can honestly confirm that before having my daughter I was a very closed off person, a person who expected the worst out of any situation, because I have been hurt by so many people in my life.  I didn't expect good in people and always looked for the negative.  My daughter has completely submerged me into a life filled with optimism, love and light.  She is only a few months old and has opened so many beautiful doors for me as her mother.
I am learning slowly that there are people who love me for me, who want to be there for me, who will go out of their way to help me, who will listen to me, who will be my shoulder to cry on, who will be my friend because I am worthy of that love and friendship.  I took me 34 years to learn and a very special little girl to teach me the way to give that love and friendship back and most importantly receive it.