Bestest, Friendliest Friend

I can spread kindness, a smile, thoughtfulness, friendship like peanut butter on a cracker. But ya know what today I am all out of peanut butter, "Damn it!!"   I am a great friend, the bestest friend you will ever have in your entire life.   I am loyal, I am trustworthy, I am a great listener, I am thoughtful, I am all the things you dream of in a friend.   You know when you sit down and think to yourself, I wish I had a friend who thought of me on my birthday, on holidays, who would run over if I needed anything, be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, someone to laugh with, hang out with, be goofy with, you name it.   Where is that kind of friend?  Well I am your girl!!! Only most people seem to overlook all of my friendliest friend qualities and not even give me a chance.

I should have told you,  that before I can be your BFF you have to earn my trust, sorry it's just the way I am, been hurt too many times by too many people. I at first will come across as shy, most people think that I am a bitch, but really that isn't the case, well sometimes maybe, but for good reason.   If you engage me and talk to me and if I don't feel like I am being judged, that's it you've cracked the code.   I will talk until your ear falls off, I will listen.

I only wish I could get passed the bitch part ya know?  I think that I suffer with wanting people to like me and accept me syndrome. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and accept them but never seem to get the same in return.  So back to my peanut butter analogy back there.  I am all out.  I am all out of being the friend everyone wants, the friend everyone deserves.  It seems like I only hear from certain friends when they want or need something.

With Facebook I am able to see everyone writing about their friends, their bff's, their bae's?????? What the hell is a bae, by the way???? I haven't a clue.   I have kept a friend I have had since kindergarten who now I only get to see once a year which is sad but I am thankful that I have her even if it is every 365 days.  I have a cousin who I consider my friend. I have met some great friends here in Florida, lifetime friends I believe. But because I have been hurt so many times by people I have a hard time really connecting with and trusting people, but I am working on it.

This friend stuff was hard when I was a kid but it is even harder now.  But I am happy to say that I have learned to let my guard down and I have made some of the best friends I have ever had, here in sunshiny Florida.

Dear Lady Who Fat Shamed Me

To the lady who fat shamed me on vacation with my husband and my children.  You are UGLY.  Now when I say UGLY, I don' t mean ugly like you would mean ugly. I mean UGLY on the inside.  You are a mean, horrible, ugly person on the inside, which I believe is much worse than being ugly on the outside. So you might want to go on a spiritual kind of diet, learn to be kind, learn to be happy with yourself, learn not to judge people. 

Now I am well aware that I have some weight to lose, believe me I got it, I do own a mirror.  But just like you I was on vacation with my husband and my kids minding my own business and there you were fit as a fiddle in your short dress and sandals.  If you didn't open your mouth I would have thought you were quite pretty, that your family looked so happy and nice. But nope you opened your trap and your ugly spilled out.  You looked right in my face and said "If I ever get cellulite like that, I will kill myself." "Some people should not wear shorts!" Wait, what????? Did you really just say what I think you said?

I felt like I was being stabbed, I felt like the little fat kid again being teased in Grammar School.  I am ashamed to say that I let your ugly words ruin my day.  We had plans to go in the pool at our hotel and that didn't happen because I let your words define me.  I let your words mean something to me, when really they should have meant nothing. When I should have known that what you think about me, has nothing to do with me but everything to do with you.  I am embarrassed that I let your words cause me to miss swimming in the pool with my son.  I am ashamed not of my cellulite but that I let someone's unkindness make me feel like less of a person, less of a mother, less of a wife.  I am sad that I missed making memories with my family because you are so unhappy in your own life that you have to make someone else feel bad about themselves,  to make yourself feel better.  You obviously are very high maintance with your designer sundress, designer shoes, and lets not forget the designer watch and purse. You obviously took way too long in front of the mirror.  

It was very hot out which is why I had shorts on and I don't often wear shorts because you see the flaws that you pointed out are exactly the flaws I see in myself, the very flaws that I am self conscious about.  So it is a rare occassion that I wear shorts. But I was having so much fun with my family, making a conscious effort to show up in pictures with my kids and not caring what anyone thought.   Then you showed up thinking I couldn't hear you because apparently if you are fat you are also deaf.

This is not the first time that I have dealt with people belittling me because of my weight, it happened all the time as a child by my own family members and friends.  So this is not my first rodeo as they say. I have dealt with people and their views of how I should look for a long time and I am tired of it. You know that saying, you know the one your mother should have taught you but didn't.  "If you don't have anything nice to say than don't say anything at all."

This happened this past summer and it has taken me this long to put it out there. It was hurtful and embarrassing.  But I learned that her opinion of me is of no value to me whatsoever.  I have so many things in my life to be happy about and thankful for.   I am working on my physical self and I hope to look as good in a dress one day as she did  but I know that my inner self, my kindness, my happieness, my joy is in tip top shape which is more than I can say for some people.

I wanted to make a video about it, but I can express my feelings better when I write. 

Check out my youtube channel

https://www.youtube.com/user/handsandheartarefull

LISTERS GOTTA LIST CHALLENGE DAY 31-THINGS I COMMIT TO DOING IN JUNE

1. PLAN BETTER

2. ORGANIZE

3. START DOING THINGS ON OUR SUMMER BUCKET LIST

4. EXERCISE

5. DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF

LISTERS GOTTA LIST CHALLENGE DAY 30-MEMORABLE EVENTS IN MY LIFETIME

1. 9-11
2. Death of Princess Dianna
3. Baby Jessica in the well
4. The Challenger Explosion
5. Sandy Hook

LISTERS GOTTA LIST CHALLENGE DAY 29- THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN SOONER

1. How it feels to be a mom
2. That everything will eventually be okay
3. People will not react to happy occasions in your life the way you expect them to
4. I will be happier now then I could have ever imagined

Listers Gotta List Day 28 Favorite Authors

1. J.K. Rowling
2. Jane Austen
3. James Patterson
4. Betty Smith

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 27 Celebrity Crushes

1. Josh Groban
2. Michael Buble
3. Matthew McConaughey
4. George Clooney
5.Justin Timberlake

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 26 If I were living the Dream Life I would...

1. Live in my dream home
2. Have 4 kids
3. Be able to go on vacation whenever I wanted
4. Have a new car every year
5. Not have to live paycheck to paycheck

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 25 The Little Things

1. A great cup of coffee
2. A new magazine
3. Hugs and kisses from my kiddos
4. A clean house
5. A full DVR with all new shows
6. Romantic gestures

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 24 5 THINGS FOR MY BUCKET LIST

1. SWIM WITH A DOLPHIN
2. GO TO THE FLORIDA KEYS
3. VISIT THE GULF
4. TAKE A BEACH VACATION
5. TAKE EXERCISE CLASSES

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 23 FAVORITE SNACKS

1. POPCORN
2. WHITE BEAN HUMMUS AND RICE CRACKERS
3. CARAMEL AND CHEDDAR CORN
4. APPLES AND PB
5. HARD BOILED EGGS
6. CARROTS AND RANCH DIP

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 22 Embarrassing Moments

1.  I sat on a donut
2. I slipped and fell in front of my entire class when I was teaching
3. I fell getting off a bus

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 21 THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1. Life doesn't happen the way you plan
2. People don't act the way you expect them to
3. Only keep people in your life who matter
4. Make time for fun in your life
5. Only you can make you happy

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 20 Ways I Destress

1. Take a walk
2. Watch youtube
3. Watch TV
4. Have coffee
5. Take a shower

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 19 My Planner Essentials

1. Washi Tape
2. Stickers
3. Colorful pens
4. Stamps
5. Stamp pads

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 18 THINGS I WANT TO TRY

1. Paddle Borading
2. Barre Class
3. Yoga
4. Cake Decorating Class
5. Photography Class
6. Swim with Dolphins
7. Go to a waterpark

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 17 THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO

1. Live in Florida
2. Be happy
3. Be able to forgive
4. Be a special needs mom ( I am and I love it)
5. Get out of NY

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 16 3 MAJOR GOALS FOR 2015

1. GET HEALTHY
2. PAY OFF DEBT
3. BUY A HOUSE

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 15- 5 THINGS ON A DESERTED ISLAND

1. DRINKING WATER
2. SUNSCREEN
3. HAT
4. SUNGLASSES
5. TOOL BOX

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 14 THINGS I NEED TO IMPROVE

THINGS I NEED TO IMPROVE

1. My organizational skills
2. My decorating skills
3. My laundry skills
4. My ability to make friends and meet people
5. My comfort in my own skin

Listers Gotta List Challenge- Day 13 Current Shopping List

Current Shopping List

1. Origins Checks and Balances Foaming Face Wash
2. Tooth Brushes
3. Replacement brush for Clairsonic
4. Bras
5. Socks

Listers Gotta List Challenge Days 9-12

Day 9 FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREALS

1. Cracklin Oat Bran
2. Honey Bunches of Oats
3. Cheerios
4.Lucky Charms
5.Rice Chex


Day 10- MY STRENGTHS
1. I can stay pretty calm during stressful situations
2. I am patient
3. I am kind
4. I am a really good friend
5. I am creative

Day 11- Best things about being a __________

Mom
1. I love spending time with my kids
2. Doing fun things with my kids
3. Just hanging out with my kids
4. Being able to do things differently
5. Watching my kids learn and grow

Day 12- MY FAVORITE WORDS
1. Friend
2. Son
3. Daughter
4. Husband
5. Crafts

Listers Gotta List May Challenge Day 8- Favorite Stickers

Favorite Stickers
1. Its Planning Time
https://www.etsy.com/shop/itsplanningtime?ref=related-shop-7&ga_search_query=planner+stickers&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

2.The Nifty Planner
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheNiftyPlanner?ref=related-shop-10&ga_search_query=planner+stickers&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

3.Two Krafty Chicks
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TwoKraftyChicks?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Listers Gotta List May Challenge Day 7- What I am Currently Watching, Reading, Listening to

WHAT I AM CURRENTLY WATCHING, READING AND LISTENING TO
Watching TV
1. Grimm
2. New York City Housewives
3. 19 Kids and Counting
4. 7 Little Johnstons
5. Mike & Molly
6. Dance Moms

Watching Youtube
1. Happily a Housewife
2. Being Mommy with Style
3. With the Donohos
4. Jones Family Travels
5. Christmas Carol 86

Listening
1. Josh Groban
2. Taylor Swift
3. Dis Pod Cast

Reading

1. Info on potty training
2. Enjoying the Little Things
3. Woman's World Magazine
4. Oprah Magazine

Listers Gotta List May Challenge Day 6- What I Always Carry With Me

WHAT I ALWAYS CARRY WITH ME

1. Lip Gloss
2. Baby wipes
3. Wallet
4. Cell Phone
5. Hand Sanitizer

Listers Gotta List May Challenge Day 5 -My Favorite Music From High School

My Favorite Music From High School

1. Savage Garden
2. Bon Jovi
3. Firehouse
4. Janet Jackson
5. Celine Dion

Listers Gotta List May Challenge Day 4

IF I HAD $100 WHAT WOULD I BUY

1. Dinner in Disney
2. Earrings
3. Makeup
4. Get my hair done
5. Books
6. Craft supplies


If you had $100 what would you buy?

Listers Gotta List May Challenge DAYS 1-3

So I love TheResetGirl.com.  She puts out a list challenge every month and although I am a few days late to the game.  I thought for the month of May I would just complete the challenge on my blog instead of creating the scrapbook kind of lists like others seem to be doing.  So I will do lists 1-3 here since I missed those days.

REASONS WHY I LOVE TO LIST

1. Keeps me on task
2. Helps me not to forget
3. Makes me accountable
4. Makes me not feel so stressed
5. Helps me when I am really busy

BEST ADVICE I WAS EVER GIVEN
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2. You are not hard on your kids, the people who think you are have no idea how to parent
3. Have fun.

MOMENTS I WISH I COULD DO OVER
(these things have to do with the way other people acted or didn't act)
1.Getting engaged (long story, didn't quite turn out the way I hoped)
2. Giving birth to my daughter (wish I knew then what I know now and it would have all been okay)

Tour Guide on a Trip to A Fabulous Life

It's World Down Syndrome Day today and I have a  few years (almost) 4 of exploring this syndrome. I look back at when my daughter was first born and boy did I not have a clue, not a single one.  Down Syndrome is not the ideas or statistics that all the specialists and doctors throw at you as you hold your baby in your arms. It's not the heart defects, the low muscle tone, the developmental delays, don't get me wrong it's part of it but it's not all of it.   I know that there are moms out there who are holding your baby for the first time who have just been given the news that your baby has an extra chromosome.  I wish I could be there next to each one of you, to give you a big hug to tell you that it's going to be okay.   I want to tell you that your baby needs you just like any other baby, that your child is going to do so much.  I would tell you that she may not walk when other kids do but she will and when she does, there will be no holding her back.  She may not talk when other kids talk and guess what that's okay too because eventually she will and she will have lots and lots to say.                                There are so many lessons that your little one is going to teach you, so get your pencils ready.  I don't know what your little one has in store for you but I can tell you from my own experience that Leah has taught me the meaning of true-unconditional love.  She has taught me patience.  She has taught me to trust, to love, to understand and to hope.  She has shown me that there is good in most people, she has taught me to smile, to care, to speak up.  I could go on and on about all the things I have learned in the past 3.5 years.  Just know that this is not a death sentence, this is not the end of your life, this is the beginning.  You will explore parts of your life and world and heart that you never knew existed.  So love and trust in your little one that it is going to be an adventurous trip but one so worth taking with a fabulous tour guide.

Being Treated Differently

I want to be honest.  I want to address the mothers at the playground, you know who you are?  The ones who stare at me with pity, disgust, I am not quite sure as I can't quite read the look through your giant coach bag and your iPhone 6 you have in your face. I was making obvious that these are seriously shallow women, did you get that? Good, moving on. Maybe I am bitter because I can't afford an iPhone 6 nor a Coach purse, hell maybe I am even a little bit jealous.  Money is so wasted on people who clearly don't appreciate it.  Do you know what I could buy for $1,000, I could get an entire year's worth of clothes, several pairs of shoes, a purse, sunglasses, accessories, and still have money left over, so take that you overpriced Coach purse.  Anyway I am wayyyy off topic here. Where was I? Oh yes you, shallow mom at the playground. You barely come up for a glance at your own kid.   You saw me coming, you saw my daughter, who yes NEWSFLASH has Down Syndrome.  She is the friendliest kid in the world and the cutest if I do say so myself. And your kid well....let's just say he might want to work on his personality because score he did not in the looks department; hey I said I was being honest here.  You and your aggressive, bratty offspring treat us like we have the plague.  You treat us as if you or your child have any interaction with us the Down Syndrome might rub off.  Don't worry you can't catch it. It's a chromosomal disorder not the Chicken Pox you twit.   If you would allow your child to interact with mine it might teach him a thing or two about patience, empathy, kindness, you know the things most parents want their children to be.  I can tell at first glance that you are the kind of person I do not want to get to know at all.  You don't even smile at my daughter when she gives you a HUGE hello, not even a crack of a smile, nothing.   You must have a seriously miserable life, or maybe you were just having a bad day.   I will give you the benefit of the doubt.   Fast forward 2 weeks later, well looky who it is AGAIN, you sure get around to the playgrounds, considering you don't like playing with your children at all, seems like an odd place to frequent, don't ya think?  My daughter again says hello as she does to everyone and yup there it is......Yup it's confirmed you are a Bitch.  You don't even acknowledge her, you don't even crack a smile. Good luck with thinking that your kids are the most perfect beings that walk the planet.  I watch your son cry as you ignore him, he just wants you to look at him, to notice his existence.  Whatever is on your phone screen is clearly more important and he knows that.   Learn a lesson in acceptance, just smile at a child that says hello to you, say hello for God's sake.  Would it kill you to smile, kill you to act like other people besides yourself matter?  Teach your children, to love, to have respect, to accept, and to have empathy.  If you teach these to your kids you will be the proudest mom that ever lived. Right now, not so much.   This is how I was feeling after returning home from a playground a few weeks ago.   This is how I feel a lot of the time, when people treat us like we are not like them, like we are beneath them.  As I think about it now, I realize I would never ever be friends with someone who acts that way towards my child, so no loss, it doesn't really matter what she or people like her think of me or my family.  At the time that it happens, it stings, it hurts, it's a reminder that we are different. But then I come home and realize that different is good, different is okay by me.

Q&A Ask Away & I Will Answer

So I am doing Q & A over on my youtube channel as well as here on my blog.  So if you have any questions for me please ask me here or over on my channel. I will do my best to answer them all.  I hope everyone is doing well. I will be blogging for the month of February all around the theme of LOVE so stay tuned for that.  I will be talking to you all soon.

38 things I Learned On My 38th Birthday

I am 38 years old today. 38 years and there are many things that I still haven't figured out, like how to be in the best shape of my life, or what it's like to live in my own home, or what it's like to be debt free.  But I am getting there, slowly but surely I am getting there.  There are some things that I have learned though and I thought I would share 38 of them in honor of my 38th birthday.                              1. True and dear friends are very hard to come by if you have them, cherish them, spend time with them.                                                                                                                                                           2.You can't change anyone but you so get to changing.                                                                                     3. I don't regret the things I have done, but I do regret the things I haven't done, like have fun, I have always been well for lack of a better word a stick in the mud.                                                                 4. I spent way too much time in my life worrying about what people thought of me.  In the words of my cousin, (who gives a flying f&#@) what anyone thinks.                                                                     5. When it comes to shoes ALWAYS GO FOR COMFORT, you're welcome.                                                    6. Always trust your gut, ALWAYS.                                                                                                          7. Even if I think that I am right it doesn't mean that I am, I mean 99.9% of the time I am right but that .1% I could be wrong.                                                                                                                          8. Be me, no one else is me, and I am a great person to be.                                                                         9. Keep negative people and unkind people out of your life.                                                                  10. You can't avoid offending people sometimes, if you are wrong, apologize, it's all you can do.         11. Count my blessings, I truly have so much to be thankful for.                                                            12. Be fair, honest, trustworthy and generous.                                                                                         13. Don't hold grudges, it's really not worth your time or energy.                                                            14. Learn to take a hint,                                                                                                                                 15. Forgive and forget                                                                                                                               16. My parents will always have my back no matter what.                                                                           17. The older I get the less drama I am willing to put up with.                                                                      18. Say what you mean and mean what you say                                                                                       19. Be considerate of others                                                                                                                            20. Do things out of your comfort zone (I am still working on this......baby steps)                                         21.Surround yourself with people who love you and support you, the ones who want to tear you down are not worth it.                                                                                                                                               22. Laugh                                                                                                                                                        23. Kisses and hugs from hubby and my kids are the best                                                                             24. Take lots of pictures and videos                                                                                                          25. I have everything I need to be happy.                                                                                                      26. The only important things in life are the little things- enjoy them all.                                                      27.  It will all be okay eventually.                                                                                                                   28. Don't be afraid to ask for help.                                                                                                                       29. Put effort into yourself.                                                                                                                                       30. Disney isn't just for kids......true story.                                                                                                     31. This too shall pass                                                                                                                                      32.Change is good, really.                                                                                                                               33. You will never please everyone                                                                                                                34. Focus more on the NOW. (still working on this)                                                                                35.Don't be so serious all the time (have a little fun once in a while) see #3 for stick in the mud reference.                                                                                                                                                       36.Be someone who makes other people feel special.                                                                                    37. Stop explaining myself to people- if they don't like your choices screw em.                                             38. Do the things you love                                                                                                                              Like I said I am still learning how to implement a lot of these things in my life but in 2015 I am definitely going to try to have more fun.