Happy First Birthday

One year later, I cannot even believe it.  I look back on it now and I think my heart and my mind knew it, they knew that we would all be okay, that I would be okay that I was going to be the best mommy that my little girl could have ever asked for. She knew it, from the moment they placed her in my arms, from the moment our eyes met she knew we'd be okay.  She knew it would be hard, that we would all go through a lot, but this was the very place that she wanted to be, that she needed to be.  She has become part of us, part of our little family, part of the only things and people we need in this world.
People will never understand, people will never get it, until they live it and I am so happy that you chose me and I am so happy that I get to live this life with you, my precious angel.  I have learned so much since the day they brought you to me in that hospital bed.  I have learned that it's all going to be okay, I have learned that we can get through anything we put our minds to, we can do it together as a family.  I have learned that I can be the best mother I can be with you and your brother by my side.  I have become so much more this year, I have become a better person, a better wife, a better friend, a better woman because of the wonder and the joy you have brought into my life.  You came into our lives at a moment in time, a moment in time that I felt pure pain and devistation, a moment in time I wish I could do over, if I only knew then what I know right now. If I only knew how much I was going to need you, if I only knew what joy you were going to bring to my life, if I only knew that everything was going to be okay, I wouldn't have cried so much, I wouldn't have put myself through all the what if's.
I do know this, once that moment was over, I knew you were mine, I knew that I was never going to let you go, I was going to hold you in my arms, I was going to be there for you and we would get through it all together.  You have taught me so much in this one short year, things I would not have otherwise learned had you not come into my life. Real lessons, about life, about love, about trust.  My sweet baby girl, you are turning 1 years old today, and there is so much to be thankful for.  I thank God everyday for giving you to me, for allowing me to be your mommy, and I will be there for you no matter what, today and everyday.  I love you my sweet smiley girl, Happy First Birthday.

PRODUCTS I WANT TO TRY OR LOVE

I was watching The View the other day and these are what they called the must use products for the

 summer.  I am curious.  I may have to try them all.

This is the only product I have tried so far, L'Oreal Magic Lumi and  I must say I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT, when your skin is lacking in luster, this is the stuff to use, a little bit goes a long way and it magically transforms your face from blah to glowing.  I will let you know if I try the rest of the products and what I think of them.

Baby Girl and Big Kid Update

Everytime I look at her I cannot believe how far she has come, from a fragile little thing to a strong, happy baby.  She is trying so hard to crawl, she can get up on her hands and knees but doesn't quite know what to do next.  She is getting a tooth on the bottom, so exciting things are happening and we couldn't be more thrilled.
My son is doing just terrific, he is doing so great in school we couldn't be more proud of him.  He received an award for Tolerance last week and did super on his report card.  So that is just a little update, I am going to try to get back into regular blogging in the next week or so, things have just been very busy lately, but I am going to make an effort to work on the blog every night.  So have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!!

SUMMER BUCKET LIST FOR ME AND THE KIDDOS

This is a Summer Bucket List of things I plan to do with my family and myself this summer 2012, I hope.

1.       Go to the beach

2.       Go bowling

3.       Go to Disney World

4.       Go to the zoo

5.       Make lemonade

6.       Blow bubbles

7.       Finger paint

8.       Water fight

9.       Swim

10.   Make popsicles

11.   Treasure hunt

12.   Birthday parties

13.   Water park

14.   Cookout

15.   Hike

16.   Go to a museum

17.   Go to NYC

18.   Visit a farm

19.   Sidewalk chalk

20.   Make Disney Tshirts

21.   Bean bag toss

22.   Picnic

23.   Parades

24.   Fireworks

25.   Game Night

26.   Write a book

27.   Arts and Crafts

28.   Stormville Fleamarket

29.   Mini golf

30.   Have a 4^th of July Party

31.   Make our own Flat Stanley and take him with us all summer

32.   Invite friends over for playdates

33.   Bake cookies for friends

34.   Make a dream board

35.   Go to a new playground

36.   Find a support group for Down Syndrome

37.   Tye Dye Shirts

38.   Read some great books

39.   Manicure & Pedicure

40.   Get a tattoo (maybe I can get the rub on variety- I think I am a little scared to do the real thing) in admiration of my daughter and my son

41.   Ride as many roller coasters as we can

42.   Go to a carnival

43.   Go to a drive inn

44.   Have a pizza party

45.   Have an ice cream party

46.   Get stronger

47.   Succeed at my diet

48.   Do something special with my husband

49.   Get a team together and donations for the Buddy Walk in the Fall

50.   Have a family picture taken

51.   Bake a pie

52.   Go somewhere new

53.   Take a nap

54.   Take D bike riding on rail trail

55.   Have a girl’s night

56. Maybe attend the Down Syndrome Conference if we can make some extra
 money and if the pediatrician says it's okay.

57. Have a yard sale

This a pretty good start I think, I hope I get to do it all!!!!!

I won't do it and you can't make me

I know that my little girl will do things in her own time, she will do all the other things that other babies do when she is good and ready to do them.  I know how far she has come, to barely being able to hold her head up at 5 months old to holding it up just fine now.  I guess I see other babies online that are younger than her that are sitting, crawling, standing, walking even and I start to feel sad for her.  I am not sure why, I mean I know she is just fine and she is not sad about it, I know that when she is ready she will do it.
She has become very stubborn,she will talk and babble while the physical therapist is here, she is really vocal.  But the minute the speech therapist walks over the threshhold, mums the word.  I kid you not, not a sound, not a rasberry, NOTHING.  The therapist tries anything and everything to get her to make some noise, and she's like "Nope, not today lady."  How does she know?  It's like she knows exactly what she wants her to do and she will not do it.  "I will talk when I want to talk lady and I don't want to talk right now, so there"  The minute the speech therapist leaves it's like the flood gates open, and she has so much to say, she really can't contain herself.  It really is too funny, boy am I in for it when she is a toddler, a teenager.

SUMMER LOVIN'

As a child summer couldn't get here quick enough, the time between Easter and Summer vacation felt like an eternity.  I remember that was the time I would get to spend time with my parents,  they both worked so it was hard for them during the work week.  But vacation was the best, we usually spent 4th of July in Hershey Park and another week in July in Disneyworld.  It was awsome and I have some of my most fondest memories of those times.
This is actually the first summer in a long time that I am so excited for, I feel like a kid on Christmas or one in the back seat saying "Are we there yet, how much longer?"  I need this summer,I need to go on vacation, I need to be with my little family, I need to escape the reality of therapies and medical bills for just a little while, I need to feel the warm sun on my face, the sweet smell of the ocean, I need to feel the hustle and bustle of amusement parks, I need it now, more than ever.  There is something about summer vacation that instantly brings you back to the time when your were a child, the anticipation, the excitement, I am feeling all of those feelings now and I have not felt them in a long time.  I decided I am going to make somewhat of a summer bucket list, things I would love to do all summer with the kids and my husband and for myself and I hope that I will at least get to do some of them.
Both my kids are summer babies so it will be lots of celebrations, lots of games and parties, and decorations, just lots of fun. 
I know all the responsibilities of therapies and medical bills will still be here but it will be nice to escape into the sunshine and all the glories of summer even if just for a little while. So sunshine and carefree days I am ready for ya, bring it on.

My First Born

My son was born in 2005, I had just finished teaching 5th grade that June, I had just earned my Master's degree and I was having my first baby. It was a wonderful pregnancy once I finished the first trimester, I have never felt better.  His name was supposed to be Joshua or Andrew, but as they wheeled me into the operating room, a song by Elton John was playing, and the rest as they say was history.
I was new at this motherhood thing and there were other people in my life that weren't making this new transition any easier.  I could handle a classrooom full of 20 fifth graders no problem, but this little tiny baby, nothing I did ever seemed to be right.  He cried a lot and nothing I did made it any better.
In those begining mommy years, it was hard for me, hard to give up the career that I had chosen, that I had loved so dear, that had become a part of me.  I had spent the last 4 years working and going to grad school, I left the house at 6 am and didn't get home until 10 pm sometimes.  I missed it, I missed the time I had to myself, somehow I was slowly losing myself and becoming something I didn't know how to be.
As he became a toddler, and became mobile he became a lot happier, we were on a journey together, trying to figure eachother out and I think we definitely succeeded.  Since the moment he was born he has been cute, clever, curious and my little buddy.  He taught me so much that first year of his life, he taught me how to be the best mom I can be, he taught me to be myself, he taught me to laugh and to have fun. 

I have grown into this mommy role quite nicely and I wouldn't trade it for the world, not one second, jobs, careers they come and go but my kids will only be this little just once, I had them and it is my job to raise them, so to those people that are constantly asking me when I am going back to work, or do I think I will ever go back to teaching, the answers are I am not sure and probably not,  I need to be with my kids.  To those moms that have to work and be a mommy, I admire you and honestly don't know how you do it.  I think that we all have guilt and people tend to make us feel guilty, stay at home moms feel guilty because they are not making money and working moms feel guilty that they are not there with their kids. You can't win.  Honestly I am fine about my decision to stay home and so is my husband and that is all that really matters. I love my children and I cherish all the time I am able to spend with them and I thank my husband for how hard he works to enable me to do so.